Slutty Angel
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Name: Lady Arcorna
Age: Ooold ;-)
Hair: Black, curly, lots
Likes: Ice cream, alcohol and cigarettes
Dislikes: Homophobia, racism, war
Pets: An old, bitter cat ...
Hobbies: Sleeping, writing, webdesign, reading, watching movies, acting ...
Favorite Classes: English, Arts, Biology and Social Science ... foget about the rest
Quote of the Day: This is what I said when I was on one of my infamous strikes, using a fake Scottish accent: "YOU MAY TAKE MY LIFE, BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!"

Email: Arcorna@aol.com
AIM: VillesLoverGirl

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Sunday, September 29, 2002

My ass hurts ... I don't know why, but it does. Weird ... uhhhh you didn't want to know that, I suppose. Poor Arc. Oh well, I'll live.
My mom is mad at the cat. The cat accidentally pressed a button on the remote and the TV screen went blank an she couldn't watch the Osbournes anymore. The cat is scared now ...

Simone from URL @ 9/29/2002 12:00:00 AM

Saturday, September 28, 2002

Zoe is talking to ussss again! Ussssss happy!!! ::scratches that from goal list in her diary:: my REAL diary where like my whole life is in, that is. ... uhhh, I should hide it. My brother read all of Rachel's old letters... Which he shouldn't have, because that stuff was uhhh personal. We sorta talked about my brother, too...

Simone from URL @ 9/28/2002 11:47:00 PM

Saturday, September 21, 2002

Testing ...

Simone from URL @ 9/21/2002 03:56:00 PM

Testing ...

Simone from URL @ 9/21/2002 03:34:00 PM

Friday, September 20, 2002

Today we're gonna talk about my three best friends: Annemarie, Jelena and Michaela

Annemarie was brought up by strictly Catholic parents who are soooo nice, though. I really like Simon, Anni's brother, too. I feel like their 6th daughter sometimes and I can talk to her about almost anything. Maybe except the bi thing. She IS religious. But we went through so much shit together and I really love her.

Kathryn. She is my sister along with Ines. In 6th grade we cut ourselves and shared our blood. We are really close. We take even baths together which is really cool ... we drink yummy alcohol and we cook together. It's so much fun.

Jelena, she's my mother, my father, my sister, my friend and my lover. I would trust her with my life. She's pretty, nice. She understands the bi thing and no matter what, I will always love her.

Ela is my cousin and I really love her. I was with her when she lost the baby. She knows about the rape thing, the suicide thing and the bi thing and she understands it all. I love her the most.

Simone from URL @ 9/20/2002 06:52:00 PM

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Hmmm... school has been a disappointment so far.

Today we had three hours of cooking. We made some Indian stuff. Then Mario, Jeffrey and Arcs went smoking. After that we had half an hour of English, but actually we just made fun of Mrs. Strohmeyer and helped her organize her stuff ... that as it.

When I was at the station I met DJ and her b/f. DJ bought me ciggies and her b/f gave me a Dimix (beer with coke). That was really nice of them.

When I came home I saw that my tights were bloody. My toe has been bleeding and hurting all day long. ::SNIFF::

I wrote several poems, but they only make sense in German, so you won't get to see them ...

I also wrote an English poem ...

If I were another girl I'd just ask you out
If you were another guy you'd play around
And so I'm silent and proud
And you're weak and bound
If you were another guy you'd take me now
If I told you how I feel you'd break down
So I'm lonely and feel like a stupid cow
While the world makes you the perfect clown
If only you left her forever right now ...

Simone from URL @ 9/19/2002 05:48:00 PM

Sunday, September 15, 2002

Today was splendid... a bit sad at the beginning, but it got better.

A.) Went shopping with mom.

B.) Played cards with Michi, Betty and my bro

C.) Got kissed by Michi. Me very happy now!!!

Simone from URL @ 9/15/2002 06:45:00 AM

Friday, September 13, 2002

Hmmm ... more Pagan truths or not?

I mean, it's like, ALL girls do spells once or twice in their life, but they don't exactly know what it's all about. Some of them may have read a few Marion Bradley books and now they think they do know all there is. Goddess, moon. Okay, sure! Got it!

But it's NOT as easy as that. Not at all. There is an old and yet very true saying for Pagans: Whatever thou do to someone else shalt come back with the force of three" (I have heard it in England from an English witch. Might be different in America).

So got it? Whatever you do will come back to you, so you better don't do the nasty things or try to force someone to love you ... etc. But let's admit it: that's what we're interested in really.

We are/were teenies and so we sorta want to do that. We want to go out with our crush and we think that magic might make this possible.

My advice is: Que sera, sera. What ever is supposed to happen, will happen eventually.

Don't make the world hurry. Everything needs its time.

Simone from URL @ 9/13/2002 03:59:00 PM

I think I should finish Jelena's education. She's my apprentice after all. I'm the master witch and it's my fucking duty to not let tis end like it ended for Karin. It's taking a lot out of me. It's so hard to show people that's it's not just about Tarot decks and candles and stuff.
Especially a girl like Jelena. Good Lord, she could be better than me if she learned how to control he power. But she can't and that's why she fails. I don't wanna sound like ... Yoda or something, but I mean ... I'm good with this, sorta. Future, Past ... I can tell it all.
Another gift I'd rather throw away, bury, piss on or whatever. I don't need it, okay???!!!

For God's sake, I can't bear this. All my apprentices ended up doing Black Magic so far and I somehow doubt Karin is Christian now.
Her blood is smeared all over her walls. That's not what I would call normal. Not even I did that.

One time I cast a spell on someone. Actually two someones. The guy ended up with his nose bleeding all day and the girl got some weird disease. And I didn't even do this for my on satisfaction, but for a friend. It wasn't my fury, my hate or whatever. It wasn't mine and yet I could rise such powers. That scares me.

I have been told I'm a powerful witch, but I refuse to use this powers, I just do.

Simone from URL @ 9/13/2002 03:13:00 PM

I paid for a train ticket actually. Amazing. I tend not to pay for those. I mean 18 bucks????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For NO service, NO seat usually AND for letting me wait in the cold for FOUR hours when it was -12 (a lot below freezing). PLEASE, I won't pay for THAT!!!

My fingers hurt so much that I can hardly type. + I have to do a lot of editing and writing and stuff ... I don't want to apply to stuff. Applying to stuff is the least thing I can use in my life. (I start talking like Rachel ... scary).

I have even lost my interest in food. Seriously, I spiced up my food with salt, pepper and onions and it was still not enough. It still didn't taste good. I decided not to eat if anything tastes like that. Lately I can't stand food. All I will really drink (food replacement as I simply can't eat anything) is hot chocolate and peach flavored ice tea. I smoke a lot, though. Im not interested in French cigarettes anymore. I turned towards good American stuff like West. But I dunno ... smoking is boring me, too.

Alcohol? Too exhausting to drink ... I hardly sleep and if I do it's not a very good sleep. There's something that doesn't feel right in my life. Still. I mean, I won't hurt myself. Sure as hell I will NEVER do that again. And yet ... there's something missing, I think.

Of course I miss my friends a lot (we go to different schools), but that's not the problem. I just have lost interest in anything ... I lay around all day and watch Disney movies and Animes. And crappy cartoon shows and listen to cheesy songs and go online and chat.

"I'm so weary, but I cannot lay me down" ... Yes, unicorn, you're right.

This is all making me so tired ... so tired. It's not like I was tired of life. I'm just tired of being locked up in this house.

Yesterday I realized once again how much I love Munich. Either you fall for Munich like I did it, or you hate it. There's nothing in between.

Munich is my Los Angeles, my London, my New Orleans, my Paris, my Helsinki, my Rome ... it's all I love ... it's home.

Simone from URL @ 9/13/2002 03:00:00 PM

Hmmm, I'm pissed. Yesterday on the train, when I wanted to go ome I was sitting there, my feet on a seat like ny other German teenager, too.
This man however was pissed and called me dumb and insulted my parents (who were not there btw). Grrr, die old man, die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Simone from URL @ 9/13/2002 06:24:00 AM

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Never forget their names. Never forget last year.

May it be by Enya

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornië utúlië (Darkness has come) [1]
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornië utúlië (Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way

Mornië alantië (Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 11:34:00 PM

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 11:02:00 AM

Hmmm... I'm in a weird mood. And I don't really feel like talking about it sooo yes... ummm okay

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 05:01:00 AM

target="new">
border=0>



Which of the Mayfair Witches are YOU Most Like?

Find out now! Only from href="http://quizjunkie.tripod.com">the Quiz Junkie



Now I got a woman, but insane? Am I? Hmmm ...

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 04:16:00 AM


Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty


The quiz sites nameless goes to, usually rock.

I sorta feel ... tired now. Well, no not really. But I should. Oh well.

I'm still sad for what happened one year ago.

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 04:07:00 AM

word Smartie!

How Are You Smart?



Cool, but what is that telling me? That I shouldn't be an interpreter? that I shouldn't do that? I shouldn't take those quizzes too serious, but still ... What is it that I want? Writing? Translating? Screw me! I don't know. I don't know.
Hmm...

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 02:37:00 AM

One of my friends -her name shall not be mentioned here- looks like P!nk, that singer. She's prettier than P!nk. She's really nice, too, if she WANTS to. She always tells the truth ... like ... if she was at a wedding and the bride wouldn't look so good in her dress everybody would say: "What a beautiful bride!" My friend would say: "You look fat in that dress."

Well, not really nice, but she's really cool.

My left arm hurts. It's like the wrist was screaming: "Listen to me! I hate typing and if you make me type some more I'll simply fall off!!!"

My left arm is fucked up. The right one works normal. The problem about this is, I can't play a right handed guitar. I'm not right handed. I'm not left handed. I'm something in between. Usually I do stuff with the riht hand because it's really annoying when people say: "WOW! You can write with BOTH hands." And so I settled on a right handed guitar. The problem is, however, that my left arm doesn't work te way it should and so I should sell my guitar, probably. But I don't wanna. It even has a name! Brownie! ::sniffle:: poor brownie! I won't give you away!!!

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 01:36:00 AM

Hmmm, well, yeah. I'm back. The evil plan didn't really work out as it was supposed to. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to have THREE instant messegers on your computer? That is part of the plan, ya know. I'll make fun of the pervy guy. Bwahahahaaa.
That's part alpha of the evil plan. Part beta is ... well, still not developed really.

'm still very depressed because of the date. I got a letter from Rachel, though and that makes things better.

Simone from URL @ 9/11/2002 01:26:00 AM

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

In Germany it is already September the 11th.

One year has passed since all of that shit has happened and by God, I wih I was strong enough to change anything, but I can't. I'm not strong enough to help. I'm here in Germany and all I can do is mourn in my own way.

Sadness is not all however. There is hope. I hope that the war will not destroy this world. I hope the war will end soon. I don't know what to say or do to make things better.

I wish I could turn back time and change all those things. It's not my responsibility or anything, but this makes me so sad, because I love America, although it's not my own country.

Simone from URL @ 9/10/2002 10:42:00 PM

Made up an evil plan.

Veeery evil and yet necessary. My evil plans are usually mean, too, but hey! I know what I'm doing. It's not like I would kill anyone ^^;;

Simone from URL @ 9/10/2002 07:37:00 PM

I'm still mad. But with the madness the sadness crept up, too, the sadness is worse than everything. It hurts and all. It hurts so much.
The world is screwed, no matter what H.Z.C.B.(dont try to figure that out) says or does or wants or hopes or whatever.

I mean, I'm a senior and what I have to see with the beginning of my new year is war, death and pain.

And as if the world wasn't painful enough H.Z.C.B. hurts me, too. Why? I wonder what I did and why I deserve that. For I did nothing at all.

Simone from URL @ 9/10/2002 06:20:00 PM

I'm pissed. Seriously pissed. Life out there, no life in here, blablabla.

Girl, screw you! I have had enough of those fucking lies. I should have known better. And so, yeah, screw you, again. Fuck you.
I just wanted to say "die", but no, I won't say something like that ... but please, happy life, you fucking slut.

Simone from URL @ 9/10/2002 06:08:00 PM

My tummy hurts and don't feel good at all (physically). Mentally, I haven't decided yet. I found more quizzes and we all know: quizzes make me happy!!!


Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

Ummm, that's what I say all the time, too ...


What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty

That's true ... how scary ...


Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

I'M NOT A MAN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!


Which Buffy Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Meep?


Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Teehee!!!


Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty

I'M NOT BLOND!!!


Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

::sniff:: Me so happy!!!


Which Hacker's Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Me not ugly!!!

Simone from URL @ 9/10/2002 06:04:00 PM

Monday, September 09, 2002

target="new">
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Which of the Mayfair Witches are YOU Most Like?

Find out now! Only from href="http://quizjunkie.tripod.com">the Quiz Junkie


I'm NOT a man!!! DAMMIT!!!

target="new">
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Which Character from The Last Unicorn Are YOU?

Find out now! Only from href="http://quizjunkie.tripod.com">the Quiz Junkie


Now those are good news ...

target="new">
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Who’s YOUR Rocky Horror Alter-Ego?

Find out now! Only from href="http://quizjunkie.tripod.com">the Quiz Junkie


::bangs head on keyboard:: I'm not a man!!!



What Phantasy Star IV chracter are you most like?
Find out at target="_blank">Apartment No. 667.

quiz by Sydney


Hmmm...

Simone from URL @ 9/09/2002 01:23:00 AM

Biiiig yawn. Me tired, but I promised to wake up my bro for his LAST day of fucking work at this fucking hospital!!! WOOO!!!
Hmm, I'm sooo tired ... I wanna sleep!!!

My arm is still killing me! Why can't it just work like the other one!!!? Ever since my accident I have a slight disability with that arm. The doc screwed it up. Oh well. Life could be worse, probably.

MY LORDY LORD I'M A ...

GIVE ME AN S!!!

S

GIVE ME AN E!!!

E

GIVE ME AN N!!!

N

GIVE ME AN I!!!

I

GIVE ME AN O!!!

O

GIVE ME A R!!!

R

SENIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's me!!! No more freshman shit!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna be FREE!!! FREE!!!

FINLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!! I'm coming!!!

Simone from URL @ 9/09/2002 12:10:00 AM

Sunday, September 08, 2002

Today it's not Simone who's talkig, but her lungs. We decided that we should tell the world what she does to us. She forces us to smoke!
Yes! Smoke! Bad for usss.

We were always faithful, little lungs and now she ... she ... tries to kill us!!!

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

(Simone's Note: My lungs have a split personality. That's why they say "we")

Simone from URL @ 9/08/2002 11:46:00 PM

Weight: No idea and I don't wanna know either
Food: Chocolate dessert thing, crispy stuff, some German junk, glass of orange lemonade, ice cream
Ciggies: Not so many ... maybe 15 or 20 ...
Alcohol Units: 1(the beer I'm drinking right now ... Paulaner ... my bro would kill for that stuff, but it sucks IMO)
Current book: Harry Potter V
Current music: "Pretending" by HIM

This beer is disgusting ... like old oranges ... It doesn't even taste like beer ... Hmmm ... I like beer though because if you drink enough of it you can smoke more ciggies and that's good!!!

Well, my lungs say thank you.

Simone from URL @ 9/08/2002 07:14:00 PM

Sorry

written by me, composed by me, life-long tragedy by me

Sorry, sorry, guys
I let you down
I played around
I loved the game

Now I'm here to tell you
I'm sorry for what I did
For who I was
For what I did

Sorry, sorry, I can't say
How sorry I am
How sorry I am for my games
How sorry I am for who I am

The pain is getting to an end
The world is changing
And yet I carry the secrets of
My wild, wild heart


Sorry, sorry, I can't say
How sorry I am
How sorry I am for my games
How sorry I am for who I am

The love is dripping over itself
The clown is a creature of pure elegance
The world falls for me head over heels
The world fall for me head over heels

And yet I'm sad for what I did

Sorry ...


Stupid shit I wrote ...

Simone from URL @ 9/08/2002 06:53:00 PM

Today ... crap. I read Zoe's blog and that poem/song thingy broke my heart. I don't know if she has written it herself. If she has then she does what I told her to do and it breaks me, breaks my heart, my soul and my spirit and my passion to know that someone I love has to suffer.
Some of the stuff I said in my final email to her was a lie. Well, not the facts about my life. Those things are true, but the fact that she's too young ... no, Zoe-chan, you're not too young.
I'd die thousands of deaths if I could make sure you are all right and happy. I'd sacrifice my life for you. I don't know you really, but I would.
But I don't because death and pain don't change anything. Only love is strong enough to change our lives and although I tried to give you my love it's not enough obviously.
Throw that fucking pain away!

I fall to my knees and beg you, Zoe, get up.

You become more like me with every passing day and I can't let you do this. I can't. Even if I have to come to Boston and kick your butt.

Get up, get up, get up.

Don't change yourself, but don't let your depressions waste you till all you ar is a mere shadow of your real self, made of illusions what you could be.

I love you.

Don't do this to yourself or I will do what I swore to myself.

I will.

Simone from URL @ 9/08/2002 06:32:00 PM

I'm bored and so I will start ranting! ::sees everyone go "NOOOOOO":: you will listen to me!!!
Today we'll talk about Kristina.

Kristina is currently my longest internet buddy ... buddy is a weird word, but okay. Kristina is a sad person and lonely.
Loyal to her friends and intuitive. She doesn't care about Tweety too much, but I forgive her ... not everyone can appreciate the greatness of a little, yellow bird.
She tends to think that no one can understand her. That's not true, though. We're very much aike and I usually understand her, but it's hard to talk about things sometimes.
She wants to be Amish and leave her family and friends behind. Well, somehow I can understand her, but it's sad. Losing friends is always sad, but if it makes her happy I have to let go.
Love is more about letting a person do what is good for THEM and not what YOU want. That is why I let go off Zoe. I gave her all I had to offer. More is not inside me.
I wish there was anything I could give Kristina. But I don't know what.

Simone from URL @ 9/08/2002 12:36:00 AM

Saturday, September 07, 2002

Weight: Haven't looked and I don't wanna know either ...
Food: A small pizza with five different kinds of cheese, ice cream thing, two chocolate dinner things, a few noodles with microwave sauce, Vanilla Coke (one can), Ice Tea (2 liters)
Ciggies: More than one package
Alcohol Units: None yet, but I'm plnning on getting a small beer ...
Current books: The third one i the Harry Potter series and "The tale of the body thief" by Anne Rice
Current mood: Somewhat bored
Current music: Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
Current dane: Tango

I can do the tango. It's a somewhat weird dance in my opinion. I mean, you run around, try to look sexy and end up looking like an idiot!!!
My nose hurts. I have something against that nose. It looks DIFFERENT every day! I mean, I just want a nose, not 100 noses! Oh well ... and when I cry it gets red and huge and that sucks.
Oh well ... let's stop babbling, preciousss...

Simone from URL @ 9/07/2002 11:53:00 PM

I was sick of my old layout, so I got this one. Anyway, I wrote this yesterday, a few hours before I got the email from Zoe. Weird, but true.

Today I’m going to talk about something important again. About letting go.
For some weird reason I’m not too sad when people die. I mean, of course I’m sad, but I don’t freak out and throw myself on the coffin or anything.

I rather freak out when it comes to living people.

Tommy is my best example. In some way he could be Zoe’s male twin. They both taught me a lot about life, made me realize things about myself, drove me insane, almost killed me, wasted me and yet I can forgive them all.

Neurotic, drug-addicted Tommy.

Sad, somewhat abused Zoe.

And who am I in this weird game?

Weird, choleric, artistic, insane, self destructive Simone?

Probably.

It took me a long time to let go of Tommy. Almost two years. And sometimes I can still hear his voice, see his wounds, mentally and physically and I wanna run, wanna hide, wanna close my heart to the world, but I don’t.
Tommy scares me to a point where I feel I can’t go on. To a point where I think, hey, why the fuck am I still alive?
I’m crying right now, you know. It hurts to talk about Tommy. It hurts so much. I don’t want this fucking bastard to rule over my life anymore! He never gave a damn about me! All he wanted was someone he could force his soul trash on and I’m not willing to do that. Not for him. He’s not worth my attention.

My talent, my fucking talent to sense other people’s emotions, shit on that gift! I don’t want it! Not if it ends up like that!
I can’t forgive him just yet. He hurt me so much. Why did he go to the nuthouse without saying so much as goodbye?!
I was worried! I thought he was DEAD, for hell’s sake! How can people do that?! It’s so selfish and mean and it hurts, hurts, hurts.

Zoe?

Well, what about her?

I don’t know anymore. I care about her, yes, and yet ... it’s like senseless. Tommy was in Germany. He was there, I could touch him and yet I still can forgive Zoe and not him.
It’s not like I couldn’t forgive him at all. I can forgive him for some of the things he did, but not for all. He did ... a lot to me. He forced responsibility and pain on me that I wasn’t strong enough to carry with me. Now I am.

I’m not 14 anymore, but I know what it’s like to be 14. At some point in your life –for me it was 16- you’ll realize that looks, boyfriends, clothes and “being one of the cool people“ isn’t important.
That hurting yourself isn’t the answer to your questions.

I wasn’t looking for death under my skin. I was looking for my passion, my beauty.

I was looking for Truth, Beauty, Freedom and above all Love.

Call me cheesy, but I was.

I know that I have these things inside me now and that I don’t need to prove them to anybody.

I want to live.

I want to. And I don’t need to prove to myself that I can by cutting myself, burning myself, scratching myself.

And all my friends who do that ...

Karin

Aleks

Anna

Kristina

Zoe, although I don’t know if you’re my friend

Don’t.

It’s not worth it. It’s not worth pain, it’s not worth blood. Keep your blood inside yourself and let your emotions out in another way.

You will still find me beating things and that hurts me, too, but I do this to damage something beside me, to let my hate, my confusion and all my emotions out.

And I cry. I cry a lot because it feels good. I’m crying right now. I love you all, don’t hurt yourself.

Love,

The Girl With The Flying Table

Well, that's one of my endless speeches again ...

Simone from URL @ 9/07/2002 09:47:00 PM

Okay, I'm here to admit something again.

I'm not a virgin.

Not really.

Well, I slept with someone. One year ago ... with a girl. That doesn't mean I'm a lesbian, though, I'm bi. And it's not like it was my fault.

My fav class is biology and they told us that the brain already decides over your sexual taste when you're still in your mom's tummy, sooo, it's not my fault, but you won't find me going to Christopher Street's Day or something like that. You will find me duscussing homophobia with people, though.

Wooo, well, yes. That's it.

Simone from URL @ 9/07/2002 12:14:00 AM






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>


That is true. That's scary.





Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.

It's even harder for a girl to be a geek. Whenever I tell peeps I'm good with HTML acrowd of guys forces me to explain frames to them! Hell, I flirted with a colege prof. so he explained it to me and now I just give my infor to thoe for free! (In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm a whore and I flirt with everyone, but very few people actually mean anything to me ...)

Simone from URL @ 9/07/2002 12:05:00 AM

Friday, September 06, 2002

Hmmm ... my mom called me insane. I wonder why she did that.

Yeah, okay, I'm a bit choleric and I tend to do violent things to doors and whatever I can get a hold of when I'm mad, but is that a reason to call me insane?

I'm a bit sad, too. I don't really know why.Yeah, okay, I do. I'm listening to the "Angels fall first" CD. I promised to myself that I would stop listening to sad music, but I can't ^^;;

I'm not really depressed, no, haven't been depressed for quite some time now, but ... a bit lost.

Even the artistic side of me isn't working like it used to do. It doesn't produce any great songs or poems or anything. It just makes me write down shit like the thing below. I'm not even sure what it is.

And I still haven't gotten the color out of my hair. I'm doomed to start my life as a senior with white hair ... XP

And my arm hurts. It hurts because ... well it's evil.

My mom's going to give me "the speech" when she comes back home. I know the speech by heart. The speech doesn't involve the flowers and the bees ... I WISH it did. No, it involves losing weight and studying and going out and stuff like that. All in all, I DON'T want to hear it.
No, no, no ... FINE, so I killed the door, but who cares?! It's just wood ... nothing important. And I don't wanna be a senior. Senior ... eeewww, that sounds so old and I don't wanna go to college cuz it's near a bad place and I'm scared of that place ... ummmm, yes.

I wanna ... I don't really know. But I don't wanna go to college right now. It doesn't mean that I never wanna go again, but I just don't wanna go NOW.

It's not like I had to move out here or anything, but still ... I don't wanna go to a new school yet again!!! I wanna travel around with Jelena, go to Russia and Finland and America and France and England and stuff.

I wanna see Rome for Heaven's sake!!! I love military history, so Rome is a great place to go to.

I can't, though. I'll be 18 next year, yes, but still ... my mom can't let go. I'm old enough, I know I am. I'm not stupid or anything. I know I could do this, I mean when I go to the city I chatter with Japanese people although I don't even speak alot of Japanese. I talk to French people, American people, Scottish people. I understand them! I can talk to people! It's not like I was some idiot, pretending to be able to do something.

I mean, for Hell's sake, next year I'll be of age in Europe! I can do whatever I wanna do! I could drink alcohol all day, I could drive a car, go to elections, get married without my mother's permission. Hell I could do ANYTHING and she doesn't let me go!!!

Why, why, why?! I can live on my own. I had to during the "Nadine incident" and now don't you dare ask me about the Nadine incident. No good for neither of us.

Ummm, let's just say, Rachel-chan, you were suspicious about the "thing" for good reason ^^;;

HEY! I was 15, I was young and dumb and **PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**

Okaaay, yes, that's about it. Now I'm waiting for the speech ...

Simone from URL @ 9/06/2002 08:43:00 PM

Sunday, September 01, 2002

I don't really know what to say today.

I miss her.

I miss her.

I miss her.

Words somehow don't really express what I want to say. But my heart sings to me in an endless tune. It will continue to do so for a long time, I think.

Zoe, this is for you. Whatever it's worth.

It's a rhapsody
A never ending story
Written on sheets of paper
Of long lost glory

I never knew that my
Crystalline Heart could heal
Could be freed of armor and shields

It's a rhapsody
It's a mystery
It's a thing of greatest glory

I never knew that my
Crystalline Heart could feel
Could be warm and near

It's a fairy tale
It's fantasy
It's the thing I feel

I wish you could forgive me, too





Simone from URL @ 9/01/2002 09:53:00 PM