Wednesday, October 30, 2002
I saw her in fire and storm
Her beauty was sending a shiver down my spine
I felt like a worm
And so I walk and cry invain
October morning, October morning in her eyes ...
She is everything and nothing all at once
She's a lady and a tramp
I cry into the wind; no response
I feel cold and my hair has gotten damp
October Morning in her eyes, October morning in her eyes ...
I'll love her forever and ever and maybe longer
She is a part of my me
With every day I grow stronger
Oh, why won't she see?
Simone from URL @ 10/30/2002 11:24:00 PM
Hmmm .... another of my "nobody loooooves me" trips. I KNOW that people love me. But I don't FEEL it. There's a difference.
I also know why. But I can't say it. It wouldn't change things. The cat loves me. That for sure. Because I give her food. That's all it takes to get a cat's love .....
Simone from URL @ 10/30/2002 03:03:00 AM
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Hmmm. My cousin went home yesterday. Can't really say I'm sad. She needs to start living. Really living for she hasn't lived before.
1. Will get new haircut tomorrow
2. Need to rip out eyebrow hair in the most painful way since there's no other way to get them out
3. Need to buy new shoes with mom tomorrow and force cousin to go to psychologist
4. Need appointment with psychologist
5. Have to force myself to actually go there
6. MUST stop making "to do" lists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 things I hate:
- I'm almost blind
- I'm deaf ... well, almost. TOMMY'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!
- I have curls
- I never get the good girls/guys/whatever
- Everyone has a sex life, 'cept me
- People don't seem to understand that "lose" is spelt "lose" and NOT "loose"!!! "lose" is the verb and "loose" the adjective!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT THAT?!
- I'll never be a cat, unless the Dalai Lama is right ...
- My mom doesn't pay for my tattoo and also not for my piercing ... GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
- My best friend wants me to get my nose pierced
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HAIR AND I NEED TO KNOW IT BY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started painting again. My pics suck. But well ..........
Simone from URL @ 10/29/2002 05:21:00 PM
Sunday, October 27, 2002
Update to Friday:
almost got jailed
Soooooo, Arc, 'nita, Raphy, Sarah and some other peeps talked and smoked. Then Arc walked across the street to a cafe. She noticed that police car and wondered why it was there. She walked into the cafe whe suddenly a police man came in and wanted Arc's ID.
Arc: ::searching for ID:: What do you need it for, anyway?
Police man: Children under 16 years aren't allowed to smoke. In public.
Arc: I see. There.
Policeman: Okay. Thank you. Bye
Simone from URL @ 10/27/2002 12:47:00 PM
Saturday, October 26, 2002
Hmmmm that was baaaaaaaad.
Forever and longer you said
I can't really bring myself to get mad
Forever and longer vanishes into dust
Where have you gone?
Where do you belong?
Where's my home?
Why couldn't you be strong?
You walked away like everyone else
Ths doesn't really make any sense
I need you because I feel so blue
Why did you do this to yourself?
Wasn't there another way?
Couldn't you stay?
Where have you gone?
Where do you belong?
Where's my home?
Why couldn't you be strong?
You told me to fight
Was it all a lie?
Where are you, oh, where are you?
Simone from URL @ 10/26/2002 07:46:00 PM
You broke my wings
Damned me to be one of the freaks
One of those with an open mind
You think that I'm weak
You're just afraid that maybe I could be right
That it's not just to hunt down the innocent
The ones who don't believe in your lies
You broke my wings and trampled me down like all your enemies
You make children believe that they can never be loved
Oh, if you could only see ...
Then you would be free
Free to see
Free to live
But you will never be because you want to stay like you are forever
You cannot forgive and you cannot forget
Like I can
Thus I rise from the ashes of my past like Phoenix the magical bird
Listen, you in your conformity, old wounds heal eventually
And old rebels will be free
Simone from URL @ 10/26/2002 07:35:00 PM
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Things Arc loves:
little kitties, food, ice cream, tights, tights changed into gloves, satine gloves, laces gloves, all sorts of gloves, black clothes, my boots, my high heels, my little black dress, purple lipstick, sand under my naked feet, the sea, books, standing on a bridge; screaming at the cars, smileys, japanese comics, anime, the fat pink pokemon, the simpsons, mrs. brisby, the goonies, alice in wonderland, shakespeare, my family, my friends, life, hope, love, zoe, my dad, my mom, my bro, the whole world, my cat, anita, photos, taking photos, movies, steven spielberg, little animals, stones, jewellery, music, languages, psychology, biology, history, writing, reading, drawing, painting, breathing, God, Jesus, the Goddess, the other God, Anne Rice's books, Anne Rice, Shakira, Ozzy Osbourne, Die Grünen, Ville Valo, goths that are sooooo dumb, tommy, america, GERMANY!!! <--- Munich, Würzburg and Berlin, that is ...
And I love dancing and singing in storms and I love it whe the rain falls down on me and I laugh. I love being alone as well as being with other people. I love being a woman. Im proud to be who I am. I love being bi. I love being myself and I love the whole world as it is - not as what it could be. I love driving cars, though I suck at that. I love being there for my friends. I love smoking. I used to love alcohol, but no, not anymore. I love the feeling of being stoned even if you're not stoned at all, but you just feel like you are.
I love the feeling in my tummy when I'm in love cuz being in love is the best thing in the whole wide world - and the most painful.
What Arc hates:
War, racism, homophobia, people who hurt other people, AIDS, drugs, people who do drugs and hurt their family with it, selfish people who commit suicide without thinking twice, the fact that the youth already feels like they have seen it all, death, men who rape little boys and girls, people who only love money, people who don't love at all, peopl who hurt arc, jeff, some ... people who are no humans in arc's opinion (WWII), hate
I hate the fact that so many children, innocent people, old people, people of other races than Caucasian, people with other religions or ideas, fat girls, lesbians, gay men and boys, ANIMALS, plants, trees and -maybe most of all- women have to suffer.
I hate all those fat politicians who don't see what's wrong. I hate kids who destroy a young child's soul by being as cruel as they are.
I hate younger pupils who don't respect me. I hate the fact that some of my friends seem to suffer. I hate the fact that peplewho re close to me don't take my advice, but go and ruin their lives with sex, drugs and _NO rock'n'roll.
I want truth, beauty, freedom and above all love for this world and for me.
Simone from URL @ 10/24/2002 09:34:00 PM
Friday, October 18, 2002
Ohhhhhhh and Anita's soooooooooooooooo nice. ::grin:: Well, well, Miss Hyde! Seems like Arc is almost out of the closet. I told my dad and he's okay with it. I'm pretty much done wíth my come out! ::proud::
Ja ne!!! Arigatou!!! Luv ya all!!!
Simone from URL @ 10/18/2002 04:48:00 PM
I guess ya peeps know what happened ... hmmmmmmmmm yeah. I'm at mah dad's now. Oh well. See ya!
Simone from URL @ 10/18/2002 04:45:00 PM
Thursday, October 10, 2002
My lips hurts. And my finger. Accidentally cut finger in cooking class today.
Simone from URL @ 10/10/2002 12:46:00 PM
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Yet another poem. It's in German. The English translation is below.
Seiner Augen müde Tränen ...
Möge ihn doch nur jemand verstehen!
Kleiner Junge mit Träumen
Ach, Liebling, mögen sie vergehen wie die Blätter an den Bäumen
Den Bäumen, die du so sehr liebst
Du wolltest etwas ändern, bewegen
Aber ist ein freier Geist wirklich ein Segen?
Du armer kleiner, ganz allein ...
Du willst nur Heim
Doch nie mehr wirst du fliegen
Dafür werden sie sorgen
Werden deine Träume borgen
Sie nie mehr wieder hergeben
Träume süß, kleiner Junge
Wenn du aufwachst bist du ein Mann
Ein Mann, der seinen Kindern nie vergeben wird
Renn, geliebtes Kind, renn!!!
Geh und reite auf Schiroccos Flügeln über das Meer
Sei frei, wie ich es niemals konnt'
Ich, die ich deine Mutter bin ...
Written from my POV for my son ........................................ the son I'll have maybe someday.
Labor (not the correct translation)
His eye's tired tears
May somebody understand him!
Little boy with dreams
Oh, darling, may they pass like te leaves on the trees
The trees that you love so much
You wanted to change something, move something
But is a free mind really a blessing?
You poor little child, all alone
You just want to go home
But you will never fly again
You will never win
They will take care of that
They will borrow your dreams
But never return them
Sweet dreams, little boy
When you wake up you'll be
A man, who'll never forgive his children
Run, beloved child, run!!!
Go and ride on Schirocco's wings over the sea
Be free like I never was
I, your mother ...
Simone from URL @ 10/09/2002 07:16:00 PM
Poem ... stole a bit of Shakespeare, but it's still mine ... Kinda ... ACK!!!
Simone (<--- ME!!!)
In fair Munich where we lay our scene
Civil blood washed civil hands clean
A star crossed lover takes her life
And buries with it her old strife
You got mail ... no, of course you don't, bitch
The fearful passage of her death-mark’d love
And her former lover's rage
Is now the two hours’ traffick of this stage
You have mail, no of course you don't bitch!
Blood trickles from her heart and makes it hard
Hard to believe in anything anymore
Prayers ... endless prayers in a voice so low ...
::SNIIFF:: SAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! I loooooooove Shakespeare and so I played a bit around to make it fit what I wanted ...
Simone from URL @ 10/09/2002 12:57:00 PM
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
OOOOOOKAY, some updates on my friends list. HEY! Maddie has a "men to kidnap and rape list"! That's worse!
Jelena: Hmmm ... still goody good friend!
Aleks: Screw her
Anni: AWWWWWWW!!!!!!! ARC'S BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOLE WIIIIIIIIIIIIDE WORLD!!!
Michaela: Look above
Karin: I don't want to talk to her.
Kathrin: AWWWWWW!!!!!! LOVE YA, TOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Kathryn: Need I really say how much I love my little muffin?!
Online friends list:
Zoe: Love ya, of course
Nameless: Love ya, too, but I miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss you!
Leah: Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you ::snaps out of it:: Oookay ...
Rachel: ::stomps foot:: YOU LEFT USSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Tarja: I hate you. I really do.
Uhhhh that's all right now!
Simone from URL @ 10/08/2002 01:00:00 PM
Today was cool. During the break I thought I'd go to my fav smoking place and well so I did. When I arrived th WHOLE class was there. It was funny!
Later they took photos of us for the year book and the woman who took them was like obsessed with me ... I had to allow her to take like ... too many.
Anyways, before that the whole class was smoking in the boy's locker room. ACTUALLY HIS ROOM IS JUST FOR ONE PERSON!!!
What can I say? C'est la vie!
Wanna read part of Arc's diary? Of course you want!
Hmmm ... Sasha is one annoying bastard and I seriously wanna kick his little butt. Spent the whole time in class writing the letter to Zoe, but threw it away cuz Mrs.Deaf Tree wanted to read it. Some ... okay, ALL of the stuff I wrote in it was degrading Mrs. Deaf Tree and Mrs. Strohmüller.
HEY! They forced me to do shit! Mrs. Strohmüller who teaches us a language that is supposed to be English, but isn't really, forced me to write a story about a guy named Len who has a girlfriend named Jane and his annoying friend Bob.
SCREW JANE! I wrote a NC-17 story bout Len and Bob.
Mrs. Strohmüller: Let me read. ::reads::
Mrs. Stromüller: ::leads out loud:: And with a giant moan Len PEEEEEP BOB PEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Stop grinning and sit down, Simone. F!
Arc: HEY! It was GOOD!
Stupid bitch. I was creative at least. Not fair. WHAT?! My other teacher last year asked me to write more for her!
FINE! No Yaoi goodness for you, Mrs. Strohmüller! ::offended SNIFF:: FINE! I don't need you!
Why are people that homophobic?! She wouldn't have cared if it was Len wit his F**KING JANE! You can prolly tell how much I like Jane.
Ohhhh and I started talking in Latin-English-German again! YAY! It just comes to me, the weirdness that is!
Yesterday I came downstairs and said to my mom: "Altum silencium, ihr da! Der reason why ich mit euch talk ist that ich will something."
Translation: Shut up, everyone! The reason why I'm talking to you is that I want something!"
Well, g2g! School is over!!! YAAAAAAY
Simone from URL @ 10/08/2002 12:46:00 PM